waiting to adopt

The Dreaded Waiting Period in Adoption – Waiting to See if Birth Parents Revoke Consent

My husband and I recently adopted our 2nd child through Domestic Private Adoption.  While I still have to write our success story, I wanted to share a couple of posts I wrote during the waiting period.  Here’s one from day 13 of the 21 day waiting period (which starts 8 days after the baby is born and the birth parents sign consent).

8 days left!  8 days left!  8 days can seem way too short for a vacation yet way too long when you’re waiting for news.

Chris and I are on our rollercoaster ride yet again trying to adopt a 2nd child – maybe this is incentive for me to finally try the Leviathan rollercoaster at Canada’s Wonderland this summer.
I’ll spare the details of this adoption right now until things are more final but I just wanted to share what the waiting period is like for those out there trying to adopt.  I’m not going to sugar coat it – it sucks!  I wonder if it’s similar to child birth – after time you forget about it and are all ready to do it again.  Either we forget how we felt during the waiting period the first time around or this time is much harder.
There are definitely good days and bad days and each day I struggle with how positive to me. I’m generally a very positive person but some days I’m worried about being too positive and getting hurt. On the other hand, if something doesn’t work out I tend to dust myself off pretty quickly and focus on the good in our lives and what the future holds.
Right now everything is day by day for 8 more days.  Our family starts our mornings with high fives and my two-year old son doing a dance knowing there’s one day less in the month long waiting period.  Some nights if I need a big glass of wine and to watch 5 straight episodes of Nashville on TV, that’s what I do. Anything to get my mind off the waiting.
For any of you currently in the waiting period, not every day is hard.  I’ve had way more easier than harder days and up until this Monday with 9 days left of the period it hasn’t been bad.
Good luck and I’ll keep you posted!
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Top 10 List of Things to Do While Waiting to Adopt

hourglass-vector-237661Waiting for ‘the call’ telling you you’re going to be a parent?  How often do you refresh your email, make sure your phone is on and check in with adoption agencies to make sure you haven’t missed ‘the call’?   I know I’m guilty of all of the above but also knew I had to keep myself busy while waiting for the call or I would go crazy.

Here’s my top 10 list of things I did while passing time waiting for ‘the call’. We got the call 6 days before our son was born so I was definitely glad I’d done some of these things ahead of time.

10.  Research daycare options – you might not have much notice and may need to go on waiting lists as soon as you bring your little one home depending on how long you take off and where you live.

9.  Make a list of the necessities you’ll need to make it through the first few weeks – as we went down the private adoption route and knew the birth parents could change their minds during that first month, we tried to buy as little as possible and only focused on the necessities.  Even after the first month, we found we really didn’t need to buy a lot and took all the hand me downs we could get.

8.  Read books on parenting and/or adoption – my favourite was ‘No Biking in the House without a Helmet’ as it was a real-life story about a family who adopted internationally and was quite comical.

7.  Update your adoption profile book.   Have you been on the market longer than planned?  It never hurts to get some advice on your adoption profile book and make some updates.

6.  Research playgroups or classes you may want to attend.  There are a lot of free groups to join so look it up on the internet or ask other moms in your area.  Only being able to take 9 months off for adoption leave, I wanted to enjoy every minute of it and get to know other moms.

5. Network with other adoptive parents or people waiting to adopt.  Waiting for ‘the call’ knowing you’ve done all you can do is has so talking to others in a similar boat or hearing success stories can be a great way to pass the time.

4.  Work out – build up your core muscles.  This was a mistake I made – I hadn’t worked out in a while and all of a sudden carrying my 10 lb son up and down stairs every day did a number on my back.

3.  SLEEP IN!!!  I was told this a thousand times but it’s so true so enjoy it while you can.

2.   Go out on dates (if you’re saving money for adoption, find inexpensive dates such as going for a walk, playing a game while drinking some wine, cooking a nice romantic dinner).

1.  Enjoy life and know that everything happens for a reason. 

“The strongest of all warriors are these two — Time and Patience.” ― Leo Tolstoy, War and Peace

IMG_0067 According to Wikipedia, ‘Patience is the state of endurance under difficult circumstances, which can mean persevering in the face of delay or provocation without acting on annoyance/anger in a negative way; or exhibiting forbearance when under strain, especially when faced with longer-term difficulties. Patience is the level of endurance one can take before negativity.‘

Chris and I are coming up on 4 years of trying to be parents.  Looking back, in a 4-year span a lot of things can happen.  Someone can get a university degree; meet their perfect someone, fall in love, get married, have 2 kids;  switch jobs – a couple of times; move cities – a couple of times – you get the picture.  When I think of our 4-year wait in this light, I’m pretty darn impressed with how patient and positive we have been :-).  Luckily we have a lot of people in our lives giving us awesome support during this dreaded waiting period.

To help me with the wait, I recently reached out to fellow parents (bio and adoptive) on Twitter to ask them for advice on how to pass the wait and what Chris and I should do while we’re still childless.  Here’s what I heard back:

  • ‘Sleep in and sleep lots’ – heard this one A LOT!!
  • ‘Go out for dinner’
  • ‘Travel’
  • ‘Get my MBA’
  • ‘Learn to cook’
  • ‘Do a marathon’
  • ‘Spend time with hubby and friends’
  • ‘Read success stories’
  • ‘Document the journey’
  • ‘Be an advocate for adoption’

Tim Elder who I follow on Twitter has this great blog on passing the wait – http://www.infantadoptionguide.com/7-things-while-you-wait.

All great advice although not sure doing a marathon will ever make my list things to do – I’ll settle for a 10km :-).

Thanks again to our family, friends and journey followers for their great advice and support.