The dreaded transition to daycare

Mmmmmmm drinking a latte while it’s still hot. I guess that’s one thing I have to look forward to when I go back to work?!

I’m sitting in a Starbucks after just dropping my son off at a 2 hour daycare transition visit. I’m not going to lie, it was way harder than I could have ever imagined. I love my job and am looking forward to going back but man, I’m going to miss him like crazy! I know he’s in good hands but it’s still hard learning to trust others with your pride and joy.

Last night I couldn’t sleep and started reflecting on my last year. A year ago Chris and I were meeting potential birth parents hoping for a match not having a clue that in only a few months we would become parents. With 6 days notice we didn’t have much time to prepare or do research. Luckily we have awesome family and friends who were a big help and made the transition easy.

I had a major to do list (I’m obsessed with lists for those who don’t know me) of all the things I was going to due while off.  Last night I realized I barely did any of it and yet for once I don’t care. I have no regrets! In my 9 months off I met a great group of women who have babies around Jackson’s age whom I got to see at least weekly. We spent lots of time with family and friends. We traveled A Lot and have amazing memories.  We did fun things like Baby Aquafit and going to the Aquarium but most importantly we spent time together becoming our own little family (including Marvin of course).

I didn’t organize our filing or keep the house super tidy. I waited to join a gym until just recently. I wrote a lot less blog posts than I thought I would and I spent more money than planned. But I have no regrets. I did work on Jackson’s baby book and we made time for his birth family as I know those will be important to him when he’s older.

So I go back to work Friday and besides feeling sad to miss my days with little man, I know I had an amazing time off and I’ll just value our time we have together now more.  And as I keep being told, I’ll get to go the bathroom alone and I got to buy my son a ridiculously cute backpack and lunch bag ;).

Ready for daycare

Hang in there – your ‘HAPPY’ is coming! Staying strong during the holidays.

The holidays can be a really hard time for people trying to have a baby or adopt.  I know – I went through it for 4 years.  My dream had always been to announce Chris and I were pregnant at Christmas by people unwrapping a picture of our ultrasound or an ornament saying something about Baby’s First Christmas with the following year on it.  I’d also had the dream of telling Chris on Christmas Eve somehow (not wrapping the pregnancy test though as that would just gross him out lol).  I was one of those people who thought we’d get pregnant on the first shot and I could plan every step of the way – wait, that’s not how it works?!

I knew adoption could happen fast but if you’d told me at Christmas last year that I would be a mom in less than 4 months, I’m not sure I would have believed it.  I know everything happens for a reason and a lot of time I think our journey happened the way it did to throw a curve ball at me and teach me you really can’t plan everything. This is our first Christmas with Jackson and looking back at last Christmas, I can’t believe all of this happened in less than 1 year!  We are so lucky and blessed to have the most beautiful, amazing 8-month old son.

Have you ever had those moments in your life where all of a sudden it dawns on you how lucky or happy you are?  I’ve been happy since the day Jackson came into our lives but it was in August when it really hit me.  On August 26th, 2013 I was sitting on the lawn of the Molson Amphitheatre (Toronto) listening to my favourite band Mumford & Sons perform my favourite song ‘I Will Wait’ and in that moment I knew life was perfect and I was the happiest I’d been in a long time. I Will Wait was my theme song when I needed a pick me up during the adoption wait.  I still smile and dance every time I hear it.

To those of you waiting, I hope 2014 is your year and that you have a special song to get you through the tough days!

Image

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!

Inequality with EI for Adoptive Parents

The countdown is on – I go back to work in less than 2 months having had 37 weeks off (35 paid for through EI).  I’m constantly asked why I’m going back to work early.  I love my job and am looking forward to going back to work – having a full income again won’t hurt either – but I wish I could say I chose to go back to work early.  Instead, my response is always ‘as an adoptive parent, I’m only allowed 37 weeks off with EI.’  I’d say about 90% of people can’t believe that adoptive parents aren’t given the full year – yes, we don’t need recovery time for our bodies but what about missing out on the 9 month bonding period of carrying a child inside of you?  We had 6 days notice before becoming parents and the first month was the most emotional time of my life not knowing if the birth parents would change their mind.  Doesn’t that deserve some recuperation time?  Finding the right daycare is also very stressful as lots of parents went on waiting lists while pregnant.  Not to mention the daycare costs for a child under 18 months is quite high in Toronto.

The Adoption Council of Canada recognizes the need for adoptive parents to be treated the same as biological parents.  An article from 2011 by Patricia Paul-Carson summarizes the issues adoptive parents face below and why more time is needed.

The issues and concerns that adoptive parents face that are distinct to them are described below. Not all adoptive parents must deal with all the issues listed below; however all adoptive parents face some of them.  They include:

  • Extra time needed to bond with an adopted child and for the adopted child to bond with the adoptive parents;
  • Dealing with expected and unexpected health issues of the child;
  • Establishing a relationship with the birth parents;
  • Post Adoption Depression;
  • Dealing with Grief and Depression Regarding the Ability to Give Birth;
  • Helping the Child Adapt to a New Culture;
  • Time to Travel Abroad for International Adoptions; and
  • Breastfeeding of an Adopted Baby.

Source: http://www.adoption.ca/ei-benefits-for-adoptive-parents

I wouldn’t change how we became parents for the world but I’m also sad to know my time off with my son is dwindling and just wish I had the option of being off for up to one year.

Please help and tweet @OntYouth and @OntMinLabour to raise awareness for this issue and move forward in gaining equality for adoptive parents.

Shhhhh Don’t Tell Anyone but We’re Getting Fertility Treatments. Infertility – the taboo subject!

Image

In my mom’s group today a woman asked for advice on what to say to someone who’s experiencing infertility which gave me the idea to write this blog.  While I can only speak from my point of view, I’m hoping some of the stuff in here may help you when talking to someone going through fertility treatments.

Since I’ve opened up about my struggles with infertility and our journey to adoption I’ve heard from quite a few people who admitted they’re seeking fertility help.  In fact, I think I know more people who are either trying to/or have conceived via fertility treatments than those who had natural conception.  So why does no one talk about it?  I’m sure there are many reasons people don’t talk about it but here’s what I could come up with (some of which applied to me in the beginning):

  • It’s very personal – not everyone is open to talking about what comes with fertility, including having sex, male and female reproductive parts and issues.
  • It’s embarrassing – people are supposed to procreate so when you can’t, you feel like something’s wrong with you.
  • You probably want to surprise people with your pregnancy – I recently found football bibs I’d bought over 4 years ago when Chris and I started trying as that’s what I was going to give to him when I found out we were pregnant.  Well, all my ideas for surprising Chris and our families went out the window after year 1 and people close to us knew every time we went for a treatment.
  • You don’t want people constantly asking how your treatments are going – especially since most people wait until they’re past the 12 week mark to make their announcement.
  • What if work treats you differently knowing you’re trying to have a kid?  What if they don’t put you on big projects because of it?
  • You don’t want to get other people’s hopes up – during our adoption journey, I finally asked our parents if they wanted to join us for our rollercoaster ride or wait to tell them anything until it was over, i.e., we had been matched.  In our case, they both wanted to join us for the ride but we were very clear there would be a lot of ups and downs along the way.

I’m sure there are a lot more reasons but that’s all I could come up with this afternoon.   In my instance, I’m probably too open and my husband is very private.  This resulted in me telling quite a few people and talking about it a lot and my husband telling less than a handful and rarely talking about it.

So what if you know someone going through fertility issues?  What can you say to them?  Again, this will vary depending on the person but below are what I found helpful (and what I didn’t find so helpful).

Helpful:

  • Just under a year ago I had a girls weekend with my mom and she admitted that she never knew what to say to Chris and I.  I think this was one of the best lines I could have heard.  The thought is there without trying to come up with the right piece of advice.
  • Be honest.  In my case, my worst fear was a friend/family member not telling me they were pregnant in case they hurt my feelings.  This never happened to me but I always feared it would or that I’d hear through the news through somebody else.
  • Acknowledge something like a baby shower might be hard on them but you’re really glad they came.  (Or if your friend finds it too painful to attend, let them know that’s ok too).
  • Ask how they’re doing and leave it up to them if they want to give you details.  Trust me, if someone wants to talk about what they’re going through, they will.

So, maybe not the best to say:

  • As soon as you stop thinking about it/trying, it will happen.  Guess what? Easier said than done! You NEVER stop thinking about it/trying – it will always be in the back of your mind.  Sometimes you think you’re not trying but it’s not until you’re at the stage where you finally have your bundle of joy that you realize how free you are from not trying anymore.
  • Those fertility drugs are making you crazy.  Definitely NEVER say this.  Ok, so this one’s more for those hubbies out there.
  • Oh you’re not drinking, are you pregnant?  Lots of people don’t drink when they’re trying to conceive, esp. when on fertility drugs.
  • Don’t assume things like a baby shower are hard for people going through infertility.  You both have the same goals in mind, some people’s just take longer to come true but seeing others around them become parents can provide hope and joy.
  • Have you tried……..?  The answer will usually be YES.  While you can share stories of friends conceiving through acupuncture, naturopaths, etc. the person going through it has probably already explored all the options they’re comfortable with and spent tons of money in the process.

Overall, everyone goes through something difficult in their life whether it be infertility, an illness, or some type of loss and in the end they’ll talk to those they’re close with and who will be positive supports.  All you can really do is listen, be supportive and stay positive and hopefully you’ll be one of the people getting the ‘good news’ call very soon!

Adventures in Parenting – Our first family trip

Image

You always hear traveling with kids really changes things and yup, I’ll believe it now.  We just had our first family trip where we flew out east (Nova Scotia and PEI) for 10 days and it was an AMAZING trip but definitely different than when it was just the two of us.

#1 – first of all, we didn’t sleep.  Now I’ve had trips with not sleeping on purpose (i.e., going out in NYC or Cancun) but lately Chris’ and my trips usually involve coming back very well rested.  This time we had to come home to get caught up on sleep.  Why didn’t we sleep?  Our son is a very noisy sleeper (I mean he grunts and snores and sighs haha) and moves around a ton (even lifts his legs up and slams them back down) and of course we were in the same room the whole time.  At home he sleeps in his nursery.  Totally worth the every second we didn’t sleep but not sure we could have gone much past the 10 days.

#2 – we are very punctual people.  I’ve been told you always add a grace period to people with kids and now I know why.  50% of the time I’m ready to go out the door, I get greeted with a massive poopy diaper.  Punctuality is starting to go out the window.

#3 – learn to change a diaper on your lap.  We flew Porter and it had very small bathrooms so we changed J’s diaper on our laps.  Luckily we didn’t have any poopy ones – whew!

#4 – learn to change a diaper in the backseat of your rental car when the seat is slanted.  This became a 2 person job if it was a poopy diaper.  I also learned that change tables are sometimes kept in the wheelchair accessible stall in washrooms.  It makes sense to have a bit of privacy but I never would have guessed that without asking.

#4 – flying with an infant is really not that hard.  At least not when they’re really little.  I’m sure it will be different once he doesn’t want to stay in one place for long.  I was really worried about his ears and having something for him to suck on.  He slept 90% of the flight and didn’t notice the change in air pressure at all.  The vibration and the noise of the plane really helped with putting him to sleep.

#5 – Add an hour or so to every trip.  We did a lot of driving on our trip and became quite familiar with the backseat of the car.  We would pull over to feed J (which usually takes at least 30 mins) but when we could tried a scenic lookout or a bathroom break where we’d switch off.

#6 – powder formula is great on the go.  We were using concentrate before our trip but changed to powder since we didn’t know if we would have access to a fridge.  We got a formula dispenser for $5 at Loblaws so we could have 3 bottles premeasured.  We then brought 2 water bottles that we kept the sterilized water in.  If we could have access to a fridge and freezer we would pre-make 3 bottles that would fit in our bottle cooler and last for up to 12 hours.  Our son goes from 0-100 when he’s hungry so the quicker we can have the bottle ready, the better.  We use Playtex Nurser bottles with bottle liners so all you need to clean while traveling are the nipples and lids.  We bought dish soap once there and cleaned them in the bathroom sink every night.  We brought a few extra nipples and lids so we didn’t have to worry about also trying to find a place to clean them.

#7 – babies in restaurants.  We were really lucky in that only one restaurant gave us a dirty look when we showed up with a baby.  Jackson paid them back by having a really stinky poop in the middle of our dinner haha.  We would either have him in his car seat or stroller and quickly learned to take him out as soon as we got there and hold him.  Then once our food arrived, we could put him back and he’d be content.  We also learned to ask for the bill early on in case we had to bolt.  Usually we got an hour in at the restaurant before J would get restless.  We still went to romantic restaurants as we were celebrating our 5th anniversary and didn’t let that deter us.  J was great and the staff and customers usually loved seeing a baby.

#8 – my how the entertainment changes.  J became our entertainment.  He was just starting to coo and giggle and Chris and I spent most of our time staring at and admiring him.  It was amazing entertainment.  On the other side of the entertainment, we were usually back in our hotel rooms pretty early so learned we should have taken some cards or games with us.  Summer TV just wasn’t cutting it.

#9 – shyness starts to wane.  When it comes to your child, you’re willing to ask people for a lot more.  Like to move things or open locked doors to get a stroller in.  In our case, we needed sterilized water for his bottles so we got used to asking restaurants and inn keepers for either a kettle or access to the hot water for tea.  Not a big deal but I’m one of those people who gets shy around strangers so that started to change.  We also let all of the places we were staying at know we were bringing a baby and they were great.  One inn even had a welcome package for us and a pack and play all set up in our room.

#10 – there are still excursions you can do with small children.  We went clam digging and it was a great experience.  I wore J in a sling where he slept the whole time.  We met some great people and had some delicious food.  We like to try local excursions and just looked for one that was suitable for J.

#11 – enjoy every minute and take lots of pictures.  Although J slept for most of our trip, Chris and I have great memories and loved being able to go on a trip with our beautiful baby boy.  We spent our 5th wedding anniversary on our trip and loved that we shared it with our son.

What’s the right way of talking about adoption – adoption terms explained

Before the 27 hour PRIDE course on adoption, I had it all wrong.  I used to say a mother ‘gave up her baby for adoption’ and lots of other terms as I just hadn’t been exposed to the correct terminology.  I thought I would write this little blog to help people with talking about adoption.  If you do get corrected by adoptive or birth parents, don’t be offended, they’re just trying to help educate.

CORRECT USE

INCORRECT USE

Birth or biological parents Real parents, natural parents
Parents People like Chris and I – we are his parents now
Adoptee – child who was adopted Own child
Birth child Own child
The birth parents made an adoption plan The parents gave their baby up for adoption
The birth parents loved their child so much that they made an adoption plan The birth parents must really not have loved their baby to give it up.  (Side note – we never want our son to hear this – his birth parents loved him sooooo much that they knew making an adoption plan was best for him). Or the birth parents must be really young.  Every adoption has different circumstances and it’s not always that the couple is young.
Open adoption – child has some type of access to birth family (could be in person or through email/phone) – beneficial as the child can understand his/her background more Open adoption being a burden to the adoptive parents.  We love the fact that our son will get to know his birth family and will have all the access he needs to his family history.  It would be hard to not be able to answer our son’s questions in the future if we didn’t know anything about his birth family.
Was adopted Is adopted

When in doubt, just ask!

Everything Happens for a Reason – Our Adoption Success Story

My Grandma Gard has always told me everything happens for a reason and things are just meant to be.  It just so happens that 4 years to the week, our time had come for us to finally fulfill our dream of having a child.

It’s hard to believe that as I’m writing this everything unfolded in just under 3 weeks from the time we received the agency call to the time we brought the baby home.  So in 3 weeks we had to assemble a nursery, I had to wrap things up at work and we had to figure out things like formula (luckily we had the amazing expertise of a foster parent couple to guide us) plus our family and friends.

Out of respect for the birth families, I will not be mentioning any details of the adoption but do want to say they are some of the most amazing people we’ve ever met and felt an instant connection to them.  We are so thankful to them and their families and are very excited our son will get to know all of them and how much they love him through an open adoption.

Birth parents sign consents approx. 8 days after their baby is born and from that date there is a 21 waiting period where the birth parents can revoke consent.  During the waiting period we kept the news of our son very quiet so the below are some excerpts I wrote throughout the waiting period.  You’ll note I keep using the word surreal as it really is.

Image

THE DAY – Bringing Our Son Home

My darling son, we are about to bring you home which makes this one of the best days of our lives (and now I have Summer of ’69 playing in my head lol).  It was 4 years ago exactly when we first got the call about you that we had been trying for a family and we couldn’t be happier with how things worked out.  You were meant to be with us and were born in our hearts.

It’s a bit surreal knowing that today we officially become parents (although there’s still a week and a half left of the waiting period so we can’t shout it from the rooftops yet).

First Mother’s Day

Today is surreal – it’s my very first Mother’s Day.  I wish I could shout it from the rooftops but unfortunately the waiting period for the birth parents to change their mind isn’t up yet so we are staying pretty quiet until then.  Only 3 more days and things are looking good.  I can’t believe we’ve had him home a week now and how every passing second I feel more and more love when I didn’t think I could love him anymore or my heart might burst.  It’s also my first Mother’s Day in 4 years where I haven’t felt sad.

It was such a special moment when Chris wished me a happy mother’s day this morning and gave me a card from my little munchkin.  I was overcome with emotion.  Ok, so now that I’m a mom why is it I get overcome with SOOOO much emotion over everything? Haha.  I can’t even blame it on hormones.

The First Few Weeks

We are 2.5 weeks in and things are amazing!  Our son is perfect in every way and a really good baby (not that we’d care if he wasn’t).  I know there will be days I’ll want to pull my hair out but I’m shocked at how calm things have been and how easy it’s been to completely change our day-to-day lives.  We’ve had lots of visitors which have definitely helped as well.

The first week was a bit stressful as our dog Marvin got bit by a cat and got quite sick with infection.  He was in and out of the vet 6 times in 3 days which was pretty stressful.  He’s back to normal now and loving our son.  Marvin makes it to him first if he’s crying and gives him lots of licks – oh and he checks on him when he’s napping by peeking in the crib or bassinet.  It’s really cute.

The big accomplishments for this new mom so far are walking the dog and pushing the stroller at the same time (sounds easy but you don’t know my dog haha) and changing a poopy diaper without dirtying a 2nd one in the process!  Oh, and not letting J pee on himself as I’m changing the poopy diaper!  The cutest thing J has done so far is when I go to kiss his cheek he turns his head so I get his mouth – priceless!

On that note, I must go find J for his bedtime feeding and snuggles.

Until next time!

How Meeting Birth Parents in Adoption is very similar to Dating and at times, The Bachelor

As much as I hate to admit it in public (oops, too late), I love The Bachelor and it is one of the only shows my husband and I watch together (who will also hate that I admitted this publicly haha).   Recently after Sean’s season (one of my favourite Bachelors), I started discovering the similarities between it, and dating in general, to meeting birth parents, which I’ll talk about below.

To recap previous posts, we’ve been trying to have kids for 4 years now, the last year being through adoption.  In the last year we’ve had the privilege to meet 4 birth parents – 2 in person, 2 via phone.   With these 4 birth parents, we were either contacted via email or received a phone from birth parent(s) who saw our online profile and want to know if we’re still looking to adopt.  Here’s how it plays out (from my side of view although Chris shares in the sentiment).

Getting contacted – Oh wow, yay, an email – someone likes us, yippeeee!!!!  Ok, now how to respond.  Let me draft an email, show it to Chris, review it probably 10 times and then hit reply.  Ok, now let me check my email every 10 seconds to make sure I didn’t miss their reply coming in.  Oh wow, a reply, yay!!!!!  Repeat above cycle.

Preparing for the meeting – what do I wear, what are we going to talk about, what don’t we want to ask the birth parents to make them feel uncomfortable.  Should I try and look like a parent or something cool to be more relatable?  Ok, maybe something in the middle – but not all black, I need to have some colour.

The meeting – think of it as a blind date.  You’re not sure what the other person looks like and you know very little about each other.  The beginning is a bit awkward but if you click, conversation will come naturally.  This is where Chris is good at breaking the ice and admitting it’s awkward for everyone so everyone can relax a bit.   It also helps us to remember we’re all in the same boat and the birth parents are usually going through the same emotions as us as they want to impress the prospective parents as much as we want to impress them and if it’s just the birth mother you’re meeting, she’s outnumbered and doesn’t have someone there for support.  Once the dead silence starts setting in, you know it’s time to bring the meeting to a close.

After the meeting – I always like sending an email afterwards to thank the birth parent(s) for meeting us.  Then the hard part begins, waiting for the reply and seeing if the feeling was mutual (sound familiar?).  No reply?  Ouch!

The wait – this is the hardest part by far.  Even if you had a connection and did get a reply from the parents, anything can happen.  Birth parents can meet other couples and pick them or decide to parent their child.  We had a really great conversation with one birth mom and then never heard from her again.  Not only do you have to have some type of connection but they also have to see you as the parents of their child.  Whatever it is is completely out of our control, we can’t force anyone to pick or like us!

The philosophy – this is where The Bachelor comes into play.  Meeting all of the birth parents has been incredible and I truly admire each of them for this extremely difficult decision so I only wish them the best if we don’t end up being the match for them.  I also believe that you have to show them how much you’d love to be chosen and that you’re there to support them no matter what.  I also feel it’s important to get to know them and find out what traditions, values they have so they can be carried forward.  The girls that didn’t show Sean how much they liked him even when they did were sent packing!   So for me, I will jump in with both feet and get excited when a birth parent contacts me even though my heart could get broken in the end.  It’s a small price to pay in our journey to find our child!Image

Public Adoption – Adopting through the Children’s Aid Society (CAS) – We’re in the system!

Hurray!  Chris and I just finished our home study through the public system.  You’re probably thinking ‘didn’t you guys finish your home study a year ago now’?  That would be a yes – for the private system.  Adoption in Canada is a bit funny.  You can do a private home study, which covers you for private and international adoption, but for a public adoption, through a Canadian government agency – CAS, you need an update to your private home study completed by a CAS worker.   At first we were not impressed we had to go through answering lots of personal questions all over again (well I’m ok with it but Chris is pretty private :-)).  At the end of the day, our worker, who is awesome, explained the update like this – she is our advocate when they have ‘conferences’ to discuss waiting children and who the best match is.  If she doesn’t get to know us and find out some of those interesting details that may differentiate us from other couples, she can’t sell us!  Makes sense to me and it was pretty painless.  Making an appointment with her is the hardest part given how understaffed the agencies are.

Looking back, we’re not sure why we waited almost a year to start this process.  I guess we assumed international or private adoption would happen a lot quicker (I know we were told 2 years for international adoption but I blame ‘What to Expect When You’re Expecting’ and how J-Lo’s baby came way before the expected wait time haha) and really at the end of the day, we just want to welcome a child into our lives to love unconditionally.  It doesn’t matter if the child comes from Bulgaria, is a newborn baby or comes through CAS.

We medium_2563573847had heard some horror stories about adopting through CAS which is another reason why we delayed the decision – ‘the child will have tons of issues’,  ‘unless you’re willing to accept all conditions (i.e., fetal alcohol syndrome, parents with schizophrenia), you won’t be considered for their adoption registry,’ ‘the process takes forever to complete as the agencies are understaffed’ (well the understaffed piece is definitely true!), etc.  The reality is whether it’s your biological child or not you’ll never know what hand you’re going to being dealt.

 

Here are some pros with public adoption:

  • You’ll get a full social history of the child and family (unless the birth father is unknown)
  • Full medical records of the child to date (this is very unlikely in international adoptions)
  • The #1 focus of the CAS agency is the welfare of the child(ren)
  • Openness is now becoming more popular so the children can stay connected to their birth family (unless they’re at risk having access)
  • The process doesn’t usually have costs – a big plus for adoptive parents compared to private and international
  • The agency is a great resource in case you need help finding a pediatrician, school, etc.
  • Sibling groups are quite often available (well for us, that’s a plus!)

And the cons:

  • Same as all adoption types, the adoption happens due to loss – the children aren’t able to remain with their birth family for numerous reasons (unfortunately some of these reasons are devastating such as abuse and neglect which can cause serious long-term effects)
  • The process can take a while as the agency focuses on the welfare of the child(ren) being placed so the prospective adoptive parents aren’t the clients nor the priority (although a con from the timing standpoint I don’t disagree with this one bit)
  • Depending on your level of acceptance, you may say no to a child which is heartbreaking

So now the wait begins and we’ll see which deck we are dealt!

 

photo credit: <a href=”http://www.flickr.com/photos/hippie/2563573847/”>incurable_hippie</a&gt; via <a href=”http://photopin.com”>photopin</a&gt; <a href=”http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nc/2.0/”>cc</a&gt;

“The strongest of all warriors are these two — Time and Patience.” ― Leo Tolstoy, War and Peace

IMG_0067 According to Wikipedia, ‘Patience is the state of endurance under difficult circumstances, which can mean persevering in the face of delay or provocation without acting on annoyance/anger in a negative way; or exhibiting forbearance when under strain, especially when faced with longer-term difficulties. Patience is the level of endurance one can take before negativity.‘

Chris and I are coming up on 4 years of trying to be parents.  Looking back, in a 4-year span a lot of things can happen.  Someone can get a university degree; meet their perfect someone, fall in love, get married, have 2 kids;  switch jobs – a couple of times; move cities – a couple of times – you get the picture.  When I think of our 4-year wait in this light, I’m pretty darn impressed with how patient and positive we have been :-).  Luckily we have a lot of people in our lives giving us awesome support during this dreaded waiting period.

To help me with the wait, I recently reached out to fellow parents (bio and adoptive) on Twitter to ask them for advice on how to pass the wait and what Chris and I should do while we’re still childless.  Here’s what I heard back:

  • ‘Sleep in and sleep lots’ – heard this one A LOT!!
  • ‘Go out for dinner’
  • ‘Travel’
  • ‘Get my MBA’
  • ‘Learn to cook’
  • ‘Do a marathon’
  • ‘Spend time with hubby and friends’
  • ‘Read success stories’
  • ‘Document the journey’
  • ‘Be an advocate for adoption’

Tim Elder who I follow on Twitter has this great blog on passing the wait – http://www.infantadoptionguide.com/7-things-while-you-wait.

All great advice although not sure doing a marathon will ever make my list things to do – I’ll settle for a 10km :-).

Thanks again to our family, friends and journey followers for their great advice and support.