Mastering Rejection – from trying to conceive to adoption

A while ago I added up all of the periods I’ve gotten since we started trying to have kids and said the following to Chris ‘do you know we’ve had to face rejection around 30 times for each cycle I went through trying to get pregnant?’  I wasn’t trying to be a downer.   30 sounds like a pretty big number but looking back I don’t feel like it was a big number.  I guess it got easier with each occurrence.  I’d be sad for a day or two and then move on focusing on the future and the great things to come.

We’ve been on our adoption journey for just over a year now and have had to experience the same highs and lows as we did in the fertility world.  We’ve had to face rejection a few times now with adoption.  We get contacted either by a birth mother online or through an adoption agency which results in some excitement – then we’ve made it through to the final stages which results in a really high moment –  then we don’t get picked which results in a really low moment but we learn something from each experience we go through and each time gets easier.  As I tell Chris, let me have these super high moments even if they’ll only last a day.  I’d rather relish in them than not have them at all.  Some people think it’s worse coming in 2nd but I’m just happy to make it as far as we do.  It gives me hope that one of these days will be our lucky one.  Facing rejection through adoption has been far more difficult than facing it with fertility treatments – I guess it’s because it’s the closest we’ve come to being parents.  I almost look at it as an early miscarriage.  We had a glimmer of hope but it wasn’t meant to be. 

Fast forward to just before New Years Eve 2012 and us deciding what to do.  We usually spend it with our friends and it’s always a blast but I also always find New Years overrated, especially because each year I think it will be our year to have kids and for 3 years we’ve seen that dream come and go.  I know it will happen and it’s always better to focus on the positive but I’m also trying to be realistic.  This New Years we approached midnight a bit differently.  We were content knowing we’ve done everything we can for our journey and it will happen.  Maybe not this year but definitely in the next few. Again, I’d rather be realistic and live life versus thinking it’s going to happen any day now.


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